The Raddest Ice Skating Rink Around

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ice skating party MelbourneI really like the music in here. Sort of sounds like something that plays in your head while you’re walking around an Italian vineyard or something. It sets the tone for some light conversation, or even if you just want to come in here and chill, enjoy the atmosphere…which is what I’m doing. It’s good to get out of the house, even if you technically work from home.

It beats my original idea for the place when it was just a shambling ruin. And my idea was pretty great, so…yeah, kudos to Johnny. Oh, you want to hear my idea? Well, I wanted it to be an ice skating rink, possibly one of Melbourne’s finest. But not just any ice skating rink, with boring old ice and maybe some arcade games around the corner. Nope, I wanted an ice skating PARTY rink, complete with 24/7 disco lights, hired entertainers and some pumping beats!! Yeah, I know it’s not exactly the biggest place in the world…decent size for a cafe but not for an actual ice-skating place. Well, that would’ve been part of the charm! It would’ve been a small, private space for party hijinks, with the twist being that the floor was made of ice. If you wanted some punch or finger food, you’d slide your way over there. If you wanted to dance, you’d have to do it with skates attached to your feet. All the entertainers would’ve been qualified ice skating instructors for any party guests who needed to brush up on their technique. Basically, we’re talking about Melbourne’s most innovative party space since that Winter Wonderland blow-up theme park, but that thing travels around so whatever, am I right? This place would’ve been all Melbourne. Function rooms, private venues, so many extensions…maybe I let my imagination run away with me, but I still think it would’ve been great. Ah well…next time. And I have a cafe to hang out in during my brainstorming sessions!

-Theo

TV Needed – Help a Brother Out?

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TV antennasLook, yeah, nice cafe you got here. I’m sure it’ll be really popular or whatever. But can we just talk about my wife for a moment? I was a bit apprehensive about this whole marriage thing, but I guess I got suckered into the whole ‘romantic’ thing. And yeah, being able to work with two incomes is something I can get used to, even if we’re supposed to be making all the decisions together, or…whatever. Something like that, anyway.

But I need my satellite TV. You don’t understand, we live all the way out in the boondocks because we couldn’t afford anything else. It’s just within the limits of Melbourne, digital antenna installation is still on the table, but our internet is just awful. So I can’t just get myself some sweet Neat-Flicks, because the screen just turns into a mass of pixels and it’s so buggy you’d think I needed an exterminator. So yeah, digital TV is all I’ve got, and the missus won’t let me get it at home. Too expensive, she says. It’ll take away from our relationship and hurt our chances of saving for kids, and that’s just something I don’t want to even think about. The only place around me that has satellite TV is Johnny’s, and that’s not near me exactly…I just drop in here on my lunch breaks and on the way back from work. It keeps me sane for now, but I’m running out of DVDs at home, normal television is just garbage (except People Who Are Just Lovely About Each Other’s Baking– didn’t think I’d be into that, but it’s surprisingly addictive) and I seriously can’t just read a book. Books are for losers.

So I need me some tv antennas. Anywhere in Melbourne who can help me out? Yeah, just…help a brother out in need? I can pay you in mateship, which is really the greatest gift of all.

-Damien

What This Cafe Really Needs

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iceberg roses

Now, this is a nice cafe, don’t get me wrong. I’m here for the first time and the decor is nice, the coffee is passable and they weren’t playing Top 40 music, which is honestly a huge plus for the entire establishment. But I’m the queen of the garden fair, and I know how to give a place some dazzle. I’ve been growing flowers for 55 years in June, and that gives me just a little bit of expertise when it comes to brightening up a place, wouldn’t you say?

That’s why I left some quality iceberg roses on my table when I left, replacing that little dirty jar of daisies that was already there. Oh, I know…it was an effort, and most cafes don’t even have flowers on their tables, so it was better than nothing! But not much better, you know. When there’s so much more you could be doing, I feel it’s my duty to improve things. With my help, this cafe could really take off. And whoever sat in that seat after me, you’re very welcome; I hope you enjoyed the gorgeous gift of the iceberg rose, grown to perfection in my perfect garden of delights!

Now, I’ve already left my contact details so getting in touch with me shouldn’t be much of a problem. I’ll give you a tour of the gardens (2 hour minimum- wouldn’t want you missing out on anything!), you can select what you like and we can discuss things from there. After all, I don’t show this courtesy to just anyone. I really believe that with some garden life, this cafe could come to fruition organically. You already have the faded wood thing happening, and the tudor beams certainly enhance the atmosphere. Oh, but think of what it’d be like if the place was swimming with hyacinths! Bulbs aren’t too hard to grow, and I’d be popping into sample the coffee, see if it’s gotten any better, tee-hee! Anyway, Johnny has my details…I’ll be tending to my garden.

-Cordelia

Badges, Decided by You!

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custom name badges

Hey all, Johnny again! Thanks for coming, thanks for using the digital guestbook and thanks most of all for spreading the word! I didn’t know the cafe would take off like it did, but it might be because it’s all shiny and new. I suppose I did find a sort of niche. Let’s see if it keeps going!

We’ve had some great suggestions here as well, such as making sure the coffee grinder is positioned on the other side of the counter so that it’s not right next to the table and thus grinding in someone’s ear. Thanks Amanda for that one! Together, I hope we can really make Johnny’s Cafe a place you can call a second home.

Another great suggestion: name badges! Custom ones, specifically. I’ve ummed and ah’d about this for so long, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to spare any expense when it comes to making the place homely. There’s no use going for an ugly, cheap lamp and telling yourself that you’ll upgrade to something a bit nicer later. Because then you’ve just bought something twice. If I have the means I’ll do it to make people feel at home, and sure, I also just really like the idea of all my staff having some nice name tags. I’ve been filtering through designs and I’m thinking of taking it up with the customers. Maybe I’ll have a few jars out the front, and everyone can drop a bottle cap into the one they like. Currently, I think I’m leaning towards a coffee bean-themed name badge with the person’s preferred name in the middle, but obviously this is all up for suggestions. There are even a few that light up, but that might be a little bit distracting, maybe for nightclubs and nowhere else. Anyhow, those jars should be up in a few days, after which feel free to cast your vote!! Or look up some name badges online and shoot me some suggestions. You know where I’ll be.

-Johnny

Just Needs a Bit of Tree Pruning

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tree pruning

Is this a place for reviews? I guess Johnny can edit what he likes or whatever, but he said this was like a guestbook, so I guess I’ll just write some stuff. Anyway, brilliant coffee and I really like the design. Like, there’s nothing much like it around here, and it really shows, since the place is nearly always full. Or when I’ve seen it, anyway. Maybe it’s just because I tend to wake up around 11 and I don’t make it out until 2, but anyway…great place.

Could use a bit of a trim outside though. Don’t get me wrong, greenery is nice and all, but I can’t help feeling that you could maybe stand to get into the place without being smacked in the face with a pine branch. Does Johnny know about tree pruning? In Melbourne there are people who can take care of that for you in a flash. You don’t even have to knock the whole thing down, because the tree-lined walkways is actually kind of nice. It’s just that, well…yeah, too many branches. This morning I was walking in, all pumped up for my caffeine fix, and my face got caught in a massive spiderweb. The cafe was busy so I don’t know how everyone else managed to dodge it- maybe they were paying more attention than me, or it’s just a really industrious spider- but the point still stands. I didn’t SEE any spiders laying eggs in my ear when I went home and checked in the mirror, but what if that had really happened? So yeah, a couple of good arborists will clear that right up. Other than that I can’t fault the place, so clearing up the whole ‘spider on your face’ problem should have customers reeling in. And I can sort it, maybe, because this place is becoming a second home. I know people in Ashwood who do tree removal, and pruning and all that. Just ask, I’m there a lot!

-Cael

The best place to do IT homework

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It’s sad but true, I still live with my family. Why move out when I don’t have to pay rent? My only impetus to leave the parental nest is simply the judgment of others, which is purely unfair. There’s are so many perks to living at home, it’s not funny. But there is one downside. It’s a small price to pay for getting your meals cooked and clothes washed by mum, and having the luxury of only working part time throughout college…

The downside is that it can get pretty noisy. My parents lack awareness of how loud the TV is and they entertain a lot. It can get chaotic, especially in the evening when I get home from school and need to do my homework. I’m taking one of the web design courses in the city and it’s pretty full on. There’s a lot of contact hours and a tonne of homework. This is great though cos I feel like I’m learning a lot, but I also feel stressed when I can’t concentrate cos Mum and Dad are screaming at each other or howling with laughter while drinking and smoking with a group of friends.

I’ve tried various places to do my homework. The first place I went to was my girlfriend’s house, but of course, she was a huge distraction. I’d look up from my studies at her sprawled luxuriously on the bed with a book in hand, and then there’d be no hope for the rest of the day. The next place I tried was the library, where a lot of people in IT courses go to do homework. But the library was also full of hot chicks so I got really distracted and had to rush to the bathroom. Lastly, I tried Johnny’s Cafe. I thought it would be noisy, filled with the sounds of coffee machines and clinking plates. But it as such a pleasant atmosphere. I put my head down with no distractions and got all of my homework done in no time.

Picking up the game designers

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Last week in the cafe, I met the most fascinating guy. He was tall with mysterious swarthy features and an elegant black outfit. I served him some coffee and noticed that he was studying IT at the local college. Now I’m a total geek so I found this really impressive. It was basically love at first site.

Naturally, I had to find an excuse to talk to him so I told him that I was interested in taking the same video game design course in Melbourne. He humoured me politely but I think he knew what was going on.He said that the course is really good and especially for getting jobs in the industry after graduation. I asked him if there were many girls in the college because it’s a tech college and he said that there were a few and that the numbers were increasing so that I wouldn’t feel left out. He was such a witty and charming character, with every word i just grew more and more entranced by him. While he was probably getting more and more annoyed….

The next week yet another handsome devil entered the cafe. Once again, I started making small talk and chit chat. This guy was also amiable and then revealed that he was actually taking an app design course. I couldn’t believe it. I asked him if he knew the guy that I spoke to the other day but he didn’t.

That was when I reached the conclusion that all guys that study game design and development and related fields must all be babes. I decided that I’m going to enroll in the IT industry. Hopefully I’ll get to keep my job as a waitress at this cafe. My boss had a word with me the other day because I keep trying to “pick up” all the customers.

Construction Wasn’t That Bad

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aluminium platforms

So it’s me, Carla. I suppose this isn’t the worst idea Johnny has ever had, maybe just the second-worst after thinking he could get a cafe off the ground in modern Melbourne without any business experience. But that’s why his loving cousin Carla is here to help out in the kitchen, until…well, whatever happens. So here I am on the blog, after Johnny bugged me for a week. Maybe now he’ll lay off!

Okay, so looking at the place, it’s going far better that I’d have expected. A few times I’ve been run off my feet in the kitchen, and we don’t even do lunch items! I remember when this place was being renovated, aluminium work platforms all over the place and sawdust flying everywhere. To tell you the truth, I came once and that was about enough to convince me that this was never happening. The place was a dump, I’m telling you. And I know, that’s why all the aluminium platforms were there, to make it better, but…there’s a difference to be struck between renovations and whatever they were trying to do. Honestly, it looked like they should’ve just knocked the place down and started from scratch.

And yet, here we are. I will admit, I’m impressed with what Johnny managed to make of the place in such a short time. It’s actually the kind of place I’d come and sit down with a friend, if I wasn’t working here. As it is, I see too much of the place as it is, and I just know my hard-working soul wouldn’t be able to cope with seeing somebody else clattering around the kitchen in a tizzy. I’d be up and helping, and that’d be it for a coffee date. So now, I’m just waiting around to see how it goes. Now that the folding platforms steps are back where they belong, I’m finally starting to see the place as it is. It’s okay, I guess…

-Carla

Coffee Plus Oxygen, Ultimate Productivity

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hyperbaric oxygen treatmentsCoffee, coffee, coffee…got to have coffee. In fact, I might be addicted. Is drinking one every hour, on the hour addicted? I know it’s too much and it disturbs my work and makes my hands tremor like I’m in a magnitude 9 earthquake…but give a guy a break! We all do what we need to to get through the workday. Plus now that Johnny finally opened up the cafe, it’s become my favourite place to chill. I mean, who wouldn’t love this place? It’s the opposite to the office…so calm, soft lighting, coffee, friendly faces, coffee, REALLY good coffee.

Sometimes I need something stronger. I heard a couple of ladies at the next table talking about hyperbaric oxygen treatments around Melbourne. How does that work? Well, I looked it up, because…well, you don’t know my job. You could sum it up, responsibilities and all, with the word ‘stress’. And then in a little subtitle, ‘massive responsibility’. At times, I’ve been known to literally pull out my hair and not even notice. So you can see why I rely on, ah…other stuff to get me through. Mostly coffee, and then there was the time I tried wearing earplugs all day, but that just mean that I couldn’t hear my boss yelling at me for not handing in the right file. It WAS the right file in the end, but because I seemingly ignored her, I lost all my overtime privileges. The only reason that wasn’t the final straw is because I never even get overtime privileges to begin with, despite doing it almost every day. So I turned to coffee. But a hyperbaric oxygen chamber? That could really be something else. Relaxing, isolated, good for your health and heck, it’s not like I’m short a bit of money, because I never have time to spend it unless it’s on coffee. I’ll ask Johnny if he’s heard anything good about oxygen therapy. With Melbourne news, Johnny usually knows what’s up.

-Lawrence

Welcome to the Cafe (with no pests)!

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pest controlHey there, and welcome to the grand opening of Johnny’s Café Blog! I wanted this to be a little bit different to your usual café, hence why we have this forum for everyone to log in and speak their mind. There’s free WiFi in the café, of course! So, I’m Johnny and I guess I’d better start things off, and maybe set the tone.

It’s been a long time in the making, this café. A lot of soul-searching and I finally decided that I wanted to go ahead with it, so here we are! Maybe I shouldn’t say this, but the premises were a dump when I bought them. Seriously, I had Mornington pest control people in here on the very first day, because that was how bad the termite problem was. Sad thing was, it was all due to neglect, and the place was obviously pretty nice before the previous tenant left the animal kingdom to take care of things. So termite control aside (I have no experience in pest extermination) , I was determined to sort out the place. Oh, and buying the place was still pretty expensive, and I was on a budget.

And so, avoiding all the termites, I plunged into the heart of the chaos with my trusty saw and measuring tape. I had a lifetime of experience, also…my family used to live in a very rural area, and my Dad was a bit of a wilderness enthusiast. It was a real log cabin sort of deal. So yeah, I learned so many things, except for insect control because…I don’t know, maybe Dad dealt with that? Hey, those are some dangerous chemicals. I didn’t want to be spraying my future café with anything that might be harmful. It took two years of work, but now people consistently say that the décor is one of their favourite things. Hope you all enjoy…and don’t worry. Thanks to the Mornington termite inspection people having my back, you won’t find a single bug in the entire place!

-Johnny