Auto Electrician Needed

So, I didn’t make my promotion meeting. My bosses said they could only wait until the afternoon and then if I didn’t make it in time I’d have to postpone it to a later date. I got to the office five minutes after five, and they said we’d have to reschedule. No one at my work ever finishes work at five like we’re supposed to, so it really irked me that they refused to have a meeting with me. They stayed at work for another two hours. They definitely could have sat down with me.

I didn’t make it in time because the problems with my car were a lot worse than I thought originally. In fact, I needed extensive car repairs. Local to Cambridge, there aren’t many car workshops around so it also took ages to get my car to a workshop that had the tools to fix it. Apparently my car needed a special new car part to be able to work properly. I don’t really understand any of the specifics. If I’m being honest, I wasn’t listening. 

What I do know is that to do the car repairs and install the new part, I needed an expert auto electrician. In the Cambridge area, auto electricians are highly sought after, so once I arrived at the workshop, I then had to wait two hours for help. I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining, because I’m not, but it is kind of annoying. We need more auto electricians to move to Cambridge so that there aren’t such long wait times. The guy who fixed my car this afternoon did a great job so I’d go back to him, and then hopefully with a surplus of auto electricians I wouldn’t have to wait so long again.

I don’t know when my rescheduled promotion meeting will be. My bosses aren’t going to make it easy for me to get another meeting with them.

Rookie Drain Unblocking

And we’re back! I’m Sue Ridge, and this is my co-host Shannon Gardiner. We’re excited to announce that we’re just moments away from the beginning of Melbourne’s Annual Drain Unblocking Competition! I’m almost shaking with anticipation, Shannon! How are you feeling?

Oh, Sue! I can hardly contain myself. I can’t wait to see which of these hunks is going to channel their inner-plumber – remember they aren’t allowed to actually be plumbers to enter the competition – and completely tear apart the competition! Like I said before the break, my money’s on Heath. I could watch him do drain repairs in the Brighton area, or any suburb for that matter, all day!

Great analysis, Shannon. It really is an exciting time. It’s time that we’re quiet now though, the twelve contestants are stepping up to their blocked drains. Just like every other year, they get ten minutes to assess the situation before they start doing any unclogging or unblocking. There’s always a couple of contestants who go early and get confused midway through because they didn’t give it enough forethought. I wonder who that’ll be this year. Let’s see.

Oh no! Not Heath! I can’t believe it. He looked at his blocked drain for about a second and now he’s reaching for a crowbar. Doesn’t he know that if you’re doing a drain replacement near Melbourne, a crowbar isn’t the best tool for the job?! I’m legally not allowed to say what the best tool is in case one of the contestants overhears me and gets a competitive advantage over the other contestants. But I can tell the audience watching that a crowbar is not the best place to start.

Shannon! You’re not even allowed to say that! We’re supposed to comment on what’s happening, not offer any of our own opinions. Just because it’s Heath that has jumped the gun early doesn’t give you any right to go off script. Now, let’s go back to the action… I see that Darren has started off well. Okay, we’ll be quiet now while the action happens.

Weird foot skin

I’m an absolute TV fanatic and I remember hearing this hilarious, but also stupid, joke in one episode about athlete’s foot. Basically, Jerry was trying to work multiple comedy clubs in one night before making it to a movie with his friends. He was in a rush to catch the movie in time but the comedy clubs kept screwing his time slots around. There’s this one-off character who appears in this episode and he is an aspiring comedian who has this joke about his dad having athlete’s foot and then he comes out with the line ‘and believe me, he’s no athlete’. Jerry then shrugs the character off and makes his way to his next set. I don’t know why I find this line so funny. Maybe because it’s so true? You hear the term athlete’s foot but then you see the people who get it and they’re not always athletes. It’s always your mum, your dad, your grandparent, or that kid at school who has it. Now, I’m not sure if I’m just a massive hypochondriac but since watching that episode I keep thinking I’ve got signs of athlete’s foot. I’ve since noticed that my foot feels unbearably itchy and in some sections has very red flaking skin. Throughout the day I’ll be scratching it senselessly and then from scratching it there will be an extremely painful burning sensation.

I’ve done some research online about this and many sites suggest that I purchase an antifungal cream as these symptoms are caused by a fungal infection. I ended up finding a tube of antifungal cream in my bathroom cabinet but I think I will also book an appointment with the podiatrist. Cheltenham has a few beaches nearby so I’m curious if it was the beach water I touched while walking my dogs the other day that could have caused this. I guess I’ll have to wait and see what the podiatrist says. Hopefully the cream can help ease the desire to itch. It’s been distracting me at work and anytime I have to do something.

University of Conveyancing

I thought it was a bit weird that they created a university just for conveyancing, but I suppose that it is a very important service. It’s a legal practice, though, so I’m not sure why they didn’t just make a university for law instead. The school is so niche that I decided to apply and see what it is like, even though I don’t want to study conveyancing. If I didn’t like it, I could always drop out before the census date. So, here’s my review of the brand new University of Conveyancing.

For my first and only semester, I took three classes, as is fairly normal for a university course. My mandatory classes were History of Conveyancing and Conveyancing Firm Placement. The placement class would involve six weeks of preparation before taking on an internship doing conveyancing. Brighton and a few other suburbs are possible conveyancing locations, which sounded pretty good. I’ve heard that conveyancing in the Bayside area is a great job to have. For my elective, I took Sound Engineering just for something a bit different. I’m not sure why they even offer a sound engineering class at a conveyancing university, but whatever. 

I’ve just completed the sixth week of my course, and I must admit that it has been brilliant so far. I feel like I really know so much about conveyancing already. This isn’t what I wanted to do for a job, but maybe I should actually keep studying and become a conveyancer. The census date is tomorrow, and the thought of missing out on placement actually makes me kind of sad. I wonder if the conveyancing firm close to Carlton has heard of the University of Conveyancing.

I’ve enjoyed this course so far, and I didn’t even want to do conveyancing as a career. Now I know all about vendor’s statements and the Conveyancers Act 2006. If you’re looking to work as a conveyancer, I definitely recommend studying here.

Conveyancers Missing

Why is it so hard to find a good conveyancer these days? Actually, it’s pretty much impossible to find a conveyancer at all, now that I think about it. I’ve been searching far and wide for someone who can help me with the legal side of purchasing a house, but it seems that all of the conveyancers have left the planet. Did their alien friends come to pick them up, perhaps?

I feel like I have searched everywhere, but I can’t find any conveyancing lawyers no matter how hard I look. Where have they all gone? I’ve looked under rocks, in stadiums, around parks and even near the beach, but they are nowhere to be found. I even tried searching through all of Melbourne’s trash bins, to no avail. It just doesn’t make any sense.

There used to be a really good conveyancing firm around Elwood, which I used for my last house purchase, but the building has simply vanished now. How is that even possible? And of course, I have to keep searching blindly, because as my mentor once said, “A good conveyancer is hard to find. The harder to find they are, the better the experience will be.” Who am I to question the wise words of my former master? Thus, my search shall continue.

I’m thinking that I will go into the CBD next and have a look around there. Perhaps all of the conveyancers have simply decided to move their businesses (and their buildings) into the city. I think that would be pretty hard for them, given the amount of competition they would have, but who knows how conveyancers truly think. Either way, I hope that I can find one soon because I really need help buying this house I’ve got my eyes on.

I just hope that they haven’t all moved to Mars or something. That would be an annoyance of the highest order.

– George

Time to Hide

March 32nd, 2023.

I have managed to avoid the time hunters once again, although it was close. I did not see through their disguises until the last moment. It was, admittedly, clever of them to take on the guise of conveyancing lawyers. They haven’t done that before. I’ll be more careful this time, however.

Because of how time travel works, I have no doubt that Amanda and Jackie have already arrived at this date and have begun to look for me. There is no time to rest, for they are relentless. I hope that I have thrown off the scent by changing my search. I’m no longer looking to buy a house in Malvern. Instead, I am looking to buy a house in Collingwood, and will hence need conveyancing lawyers around Collingwood. I don’t have a specific house in mind, but just need to purchase one in the general area. As a result, I will be visiting a variety of conveyancing lawyers over the next couple of days, provided I can avoid Amanda and Jackie.

I don’t understand why they’re so adamant about catching me. I’m not going to do anything to mess with the space-time continuum. The organisation they work for just hates there being a time traveller they can’t control. Well, Mr Manager can try all he wants, but there’s nothing he or his goons can do to stop me from finding conveyancing solicitors who will help me with my house hunt.

Why do I even want to buy a house, when I’m originally from the year 2115? Well, I’ve heard that the early to mid-2020s was the absolute peak of humanity. I just want to experience it for myself, rather than learning about it in my history class. That’s why I learned to time travel on the depths of the internet, from somebody who left the Organisation of Time Travellers. If I can just shake those bounty hunters, I’ll be free to enjoy the 2020s for a few years, before heading back to write up my history report.

– Benjamin


Who would have thought that I’d be here – stranded on the side of a dirt road in semi-rural NSW and wondering if perhaps I would like to live in this neck of the woods? As someone born and raised in the big smoke, I’ve always thought of myself as a city slicker, and yet something’s come over me… maybe I’ve inhaled some weird fumes. There is a fair bit of exhaust smoke pouring out of my car right now, so I wouldn’t rule that out. 

Not there aren’t weird fumes aplenty in the city. That’s one point in favour of country life: the air is so much cleaner. At least, it is when you’re not standing next to a smoking car. Then there’s the quiet. I didn’t realise a road could be this quiet. Granted, I’ve noticed that when a car does come by, it tends to really barrel along with an almighty roar and maybe a bit of a skidding sound for good measure. But there’s no constant ‘bip bip bip’ of traffic lights or trains or sirens – just a magpie cawing nearby and the occasional engine revving.

So, what am I doing out here? Well, like I said, my car’s a bit of wreck right now, so I’m waiting to hear back from a mechanic near Queanbeyan. That’s the closest big town to where I’ve broken down. I’m hoping the shop can send someone out here. Actually, I’m hoping they have to tow my ride into town and spend some time working on it, running engine diagnostics or whatnot. 

That would give me an opportunity to have a gander at the local real estate. I’m just curious. I mean, would it be so bad to live out here? Lower house prices, space for days, and… I don’t know, presumably some other stuff I can’t think of right now. There’s got to be loads of pros for the list, I reckon, and city life has plenty of cons. 

Am I trying to talk myself into this? Or just trying the idea on for size?

Number One

I’m the type of guy who doesn’t need anything from anyone, you know? 100% self-sufficiency: that’s the name of my game, and if you don’t like it, that’s not my problem. That’s the thing, right? I don’t need anything from you, and you don’t get anything from me – no favours, no validation and most importantly none of my precious time. I need all of it to devote to my one true love.

That would be my truck, also known as my my one and only. Some people probably think I’m a bit funny in the head, thinking of a hunk of old metal in this way. But like I said, I don’t need anyone’s approval. Besides, it’s not anything weird. It’s just my way of expressing how much I freaking love this truck. 

The one exception to my self-sufficiency protocol is when it comes to advice on maintaining the truck, and for that I refer to my mechanic. Around Bentleigh, where I live, there’s a handful of pretty good auto shops, and I’ve checked them all out. None of them stack up to my go-to guy, though. He’s a fully qualified technician but he works out his back shed. I guess he’s a bit of renegade, like me. 

A few months back I went for a brake repair near Moorabbin, at one of these other local workshops. They did a perfectly good job – nothing to complain about at all, as far as the work was concerned. The price was okay, too. But something was just… off. I can’t even put my finger on what it was, but I’m sure it had to do with the personality of the technicians. 

I think it’s that, if I’m going to go to someone for help, I need them to be on my wavelength – sympatico, you know? I can just feel it in the way the truck handles when it’s been worked on by this one dude.

Broken Hotel Window

I’m staying in a hotel with my family on holidays. I’m the mother of three children (and a man child who I call my husband). I love my family but they’re definitely a handful and they don’t always listen to me. The most recent example of my family failing to do as I say and acting like morons (for lack of a better word) was yesterday.

My husband and my three children were kicking the football inside the hotel room. I warned them at least five times to stop what they were doing and take the football down to the pool area, but of course, they didn’t listen. Instead, my husband kicked the ball too hard for my youngest child to catch it and it hit the window and cracked it. My husband genuinely cracked the glass in a hotel room costing us $500 per night. It’s safe to say that I’m furious. 

I refused to talk to the hotel staff about it and made my husband walk downstairs with my children to tell them we need a glass repair. Melbourne hotels are some of the best in Australia, so when they asked us how the glass cracked we had to lie. If they had found out what we were doing we would have been kicked out of the hotel. Instead, we agreed to have the glass repaired and they moved us to a different room. 

As we were moving all our belongings from the top floor to halfway down the building, I was very aware of the glass stairs. My family were all carrying a suitcase each and the wheels were often hitting the sides of the stairs. I was just praying that a wheel wouldn’t hit the stairs too hard and put another crack in the glass. The last thing we need is to pay for a stair balustrade on top of the glass repair.

I just wish my husband, and my kids to a lesser extent, would grow up. This could have been so preventable.  

Office Designer Breakfast

I’ve got to say, getting cafe guests to post on this website is a brilliant idea. I feel really honoured to be sitting here, on the Johnny’s Cafe computer, writing this post. I suppose I should give a little bit of information about myself before we go any further. My name is Mark and I decided to come to this cafe today because the reviews are so fantastic. I ordered the egg’s benedict, my favourite breakfast of all time because I’ve got a big day at work today. I work in office space design across Melbourne, helping offices look more like space every day. It’s a scientific fact that people feel calmer in space, which is why my business is so successful.

Why do I have such a busy day at work today? It’s because I’m up for a big promotion. I’ve helped over a hundred offices achieve their desired appearance, meaning I get to chat with the boss about moving up in the company. I’ve heard rumours that we actually provide more than just space offices, but I’m not sure they’re true. Either way, I just hope to start moving up in my career, because I’ve been in my current position for a while now.

I’d been hearing for a while that Johnny’s Cafe is one of the best cafes in Melbourne. Office fitout considerations can take quite a toll, so I figured it was time to get a good pick-me-up in the morning, with a delicious breakfast and a coffee. I definitely don’t regret coming here. It’s been the perfect start to my day. Hopefully it will be a bit of a good-luck charm, getting me that big promotion. If that’s what happens, I think I’ll be coming here every day!

Thanks heaps to Johnny for inviting me to make a post on the website. I feel really honoured to be part of its history.

– Mark