The Soccer Mums Cometh…

We HAVE to do something about the soccer mums. Oh, you know exactly what I’m talking about; everyone does. They always come in here after the games, bored children in tow, and talk incredibly loudly about how their little Spencer, Cooper, Brianna, Sally-Anne or Dante just kicked the most AMAZING goal, or how they just smacked the ball so hard that it flew out of the arena, or something equally silly. Oh, and I really do mean loudly. Everyone must know, even if little Jemimah was the one responsible for setting up the indoor cricket nets.

“Oh, she has SUCH a way with her fingers, does Jemimah. So dextrous. Everyone at the cricket club says it; they won’t even set up until Jemimah gets here. She’s going to be a professional at setting upĀ cricket netting, just you wait!”

Give me a break. Everyone has to have a thing nowadays. Even if your child isn’t actively part of the sport, they’ve got to have a gimmick. the only alternative is NOT showing up to the sporting events and not getting to gossip with all the other Mums. And then they all come in here because it’s the only vaguely nice place around, and I have to deal with them talking right over me when I try to take their order. Not that I don’t already know…it’s a round of skinny, soy, half-strength lattes with no sugar. Got to keep up the trend!

I mean, I’d be pretty happy with my child either way, whether they’re out there on the field or setting up the sports nets. In some ways, the net thing would be even better; shows that they’re not in it for the glory, and they just want to help out.

But would I go into a cafe a try to make extra sure that EVERYONE knows what my child did? No. I’d have more tact than that.