Nautical Nonsense Is Not What I Wish

To be perfectly honest, I’ve never been in a café with a nautical theme that I liked. I know that sounds like I’m being discriminatory against sailors and the sea life, but I’m really not. Maybe I’m slightly biased against cafes in coastal towns, but only if they try to dress themselves up like they’re the inside of a ship. Like, just…knock it off. We all know you picked up that ship’s wheel on G-Buy, and the anchor is probably from the gift shop next door.

I’ve no idea why I find the idea so tacky, but anytime anyone suggests something like that for this place, I just have to try to put my foot down. Fortunately, Johnny doesn’t seem too enthused with the idea either. Well, it’s that, and we’re mostly landlocked here. We can try to appeal to workmen in Melbourne servicing outboard motor repairs or whatever but I don’t think we’ll get many in.

Actually, I think my dislike of fake marine stuff might be from when I grew up in Mornington. I was an actual sea kid- in by boat, rain or shine. Always wanted to get a larger boat and go sailing, but then we moved away from the coast and I haven’t had the time or money to go boating ever since. Guess seeing all the memorabilia whilst it’s not connected to anything- or being flaunted by people who don’t understand that world- just really irritates me. Irrationally, I will admit.

Maybe I should just get over it. If you’ve repurposed an anchor winch and are using is as a flashy counter decoration for your café, I should learn to live with it. It’s not like I ever actually managed to break into Melbourne’s marine industry anyway. The people in Melbourne who do outboard motor repairs and all that are just a hardier sort. I bet they’d absolutely hate their craft being used as cheap decorations. And then there’s me…the guy making coffee who can’t let go of the past. I don’t really have the right to get mad over much.


I Could Learn to Fabricate

One thing I really like about cafes: you can go to them alone, and it’s not weird. I mean, you usually need something to do, which is why I’m on my laptop right now, but there are a number of ways around it. Bring a book, write in a notebook (makes you look extra studious), or bring a miniature chess board and play a game with yourself. That’s, like…next level impressive.

Right now I’m looking up terms related to the Melbourne stainless steel fabrication industry, because I am in deep trouble and I’ve no idea how I’m getting myself out of it. Well, short of moving to Abu Dhabi. I hear it’s nice this time of year…

I saw an ad online and I was a little too hasty to reply. I’ve been single for ten years and it’s really eating away at me coming home to my empty apartment every day. My job pays well, but it’s pretty boring and every day is the same: train, office, idle lunch chatter, end of the day, go home and wallow in loneliness. So when a girl popped up in my dating profile asking for a good, polite man involved in the stainless steel fabrication industry…I didn’t think it through before replying. We’ve had three dates, and every time I’ve had to bluff my way through, pretending I know all about snapper racks, fishing rod holders and the proper way to construct a plate alloy boat. I’ve actually been desperately committing a few key sentences to memory before each date and then getting away with it by asking her all about herself for most of the time.

So SHE’S okay with it, and I love hearing her talk because she’s the greatest girl I’ve ever dated, but when will the charade end? Do I have to quit my job and go to work in marine fabrication?

Oh…oh, that’s an idea. I mean, I’m sick of what I do right now. It’s wearying and I hate it, and I need a change. Maybe I can change careers, confess everything and she’ll be smitten by how I’ve changed my entire life just for her. I’m a connoisseur of plate alloy boats now! Maybe then, Stella will truly love me for who I am…and not who she thinks I am. Worth a shot.