Got to Look Better Than the Bride

cosmetic tattooingI don’t often feel the need to dress up too much for work. I mean…I work in a cafe. Sure, I have to look clean and nice, but when I’m making sandwiches and steaming coffee, I don’t want false eyelashes falling in or…I don’t know, my makeup running when it gets too hot. I’ve made that mistake precisely once so far, and it’s not one I’d like to repeat. A simple ponytail, that’s all I need. Please, I’m fabulous enough as I am.

Still, work-life balance gets in the way, as it tends to do…like for Shara’s wedding. I managed to get the afternoon off so I could come to the reception, which worked just fine for me because I don’t really like Shara and the less time spent with her around the better. But I was told there there are places in Melbourne that do eyebrow tattooing, so I wanted to be all over that. Because that’s how it works when you have to be around someone you don’t like: the trick is to look as fabulous as possible to make them look worse by comparison. A tricky thing to ask when the person is all dolled up for their wedding, but I felt like I was up to the challenge. I was confident that my eyebrows were the only thing holding me back, because they’ve always been sort of thin…like, two caterpillars who don’t quite reach each other. I got that eyebrow tattooing and was incredibly happy with the results, but I was told to stay away from heat sources for a while.

Um…well…okay then! Sure! I broke that promise almost instantly. I was in the kitchen for that morning, and it can get pretty hot in there when things are cooking. Fortunately I noticed before I ruined someone’s baguette, but my eyebrows were dripping. See, this is why you should listen to the experts, kids…

I managed to mop myself up and Johnny’s put me on the tables, but the damage was done. All that treatment and I go and ruin it. Oh, and for the rest of the day I looked like the caterpillars had been brutally crushed and had dribbled down the sides of my head. Melbourne’s finest cosmetic tattooing: not even once (if you don’t plan to listen to what they say).